Or the more important question is, how much do your employees agree with that statement?
New research suggests that it depends on your demographic. Managers born in Generation X (1965-1979) are more likely to maintain a leadership gap because they don’t want employees to see them as vulnerable and get too close.
Thankfully, that sentiment has changed a fair bit because of our changing work relationships and the growing emphasis on authenticity and genuine human connection—which is probably a good thing.
Being friendly with employees has its benefits like building trust and fostering open communication—but what about being actual friends?
Maybe that’s a line that you shouldn’t cross. And while perhaps "friend" isn’t the best descriptor. Being friendly is important and this changing trend talks to the clear shift in the manager-employee relationship and what people expect from their leaders.
As work relationships continue to evolve, HR plays an important role in managing these changing expectations by providing guidance on building appropriate boundaries, supporting managers in balancing friendliness with professionalism, and fostering a workplace culture that adapts to these new dynamics.
Because so many working-from-home arrangements are the new normal, the relationships between employees and managers have become more informal and there’s been an increased focus on managers nurturing relationships.
If employees in your team work days at home and only interact with you on calls, it’s harder to connect and feels wrong to just talk about what’s going on at work. You need to give more to build relationships with employees. And employees are becoming more open and receptive to it.
We know this and HR teams have focused on nurturing relational dynamics as a result by encouraging regular check-ins, promoting virtual team-building activities, and providing training on effective remote communication.
On top of these changing dynamics, we know there is less formality in organisations and a lower level of respect for people in positions of authority compared to a few generations ago.
Millennials are attracted to more informal management styles, embracing the idea that leaders should inspire or serve staff and customers and rely less on formal or authoritarian forms of power.
But we’ve also seen changes in boundaries, power dynamics and communication styles across society. Kids these days speak to their parents and share information that older generations certainly never would. Also, teachers and students are much more ‘friendly’ with each other and the conversation is more personal as opposed to the ‘dictate and discipline’ model that existed with older generations.
We’re all adjusting to shifting norms and seeing both the benefits and drawbacks as this unfolds. Let’s take a look and see what different generations think about whether you should be friends with an employee.
Shane Hutton, an HR thought leader in Australia asked this question to over 1000 Australian employees and here’s what he found.
50% of participants agreed with the statement
20% disagreed while 30% did not know.
Gen Z were most likely to agree with the statement (60%), followed closely by millennials (55%) then Gen X (45%) and Boomers (36%)
Boomers (Born 1946-1964) were most likely to disagree with the statement
When Gen X and Boomer managers were starting out as leaders, they were probably encouraged to steer clear of creating friendships with employees. While today, young managers are empowered to ignore that sentiment if it feels wrong, but rather communicate the boundaries that work is work and we all have roles to play and jobs to do.
Having closer relationships with employees is often a positive. Teams are often more flexible, candid, and ambitious to succeed.
But when can it backfire?
Being friends with employees can make tough conversations tougher than they need to be. If being friendly with employees means you can’t have robust conversations, conduct performance reviews properly, or call out poor behaviour, then the waters are probably too muddy. To be fair, real friends should be able to cut through and talk to you about anything, including calling out bad behaviour.
Having self-awareness is important. Leaders need to be aware of how their friendships could be perceived by others in the organisation. If a friendship is clouding their judgement or making it difficult to lead effectively, it’s time to reassess.
Avoiding gossip and favouritism is crucial.
Managers should be mindful of how they’re perceived, especially when engaging in gossip. Even seemingly harmless comments can create perceptions of favouritism.
These things seem to stick with employees. Once a manager is seen as playing favourites, it’s hard to change that perception. It’s important for HR to remind managers stay professional and fair in all interactions to avoid these lasting impressions.
It’s clear the new way of leading and managing employees involves less being in an ivory tower and giving out orders. People value relationships. And authentically caring is so important.
It's hard to do this and not build a relationship or friendship.
There are traits of friendship and even the dreaded "f-word' (family) that are clearly valued by employees. Great leaders create deep, authentic relationships with the people they lead.
It doesn’t mean being best friends with your employees, but people are looking for a caring coach to lead them and pour into them.
John Maxwell says that people don’t follow you until they buy into you.
Buying into you means they trust you and they believe that you care for them.