How do you help an employee who doesn’t want any help?
They don’t want to change their behaviour, and it’s hurting your organisation. They’re late. Rude and downright destructive. And to top it all off, they’re not performing.
A sales manager came to me one day with this problem. This particular employee had been on their team for years. But after months of poor behaviour and plenty of warnings, they were ready to nip it in the bud and begin the formal termination process. They also explained that this employee was going through a divorce and was having a really tough time.
First off. We’re quick to assume people don’t want to change their behaviour. What if they can’t or don’t know how to? I explained that we could go down the termination road but suggested we try something a little unconventional first.
When the employee was out for lunch, I went to their desk and left a handwritten note.
When they returned, they read the note and wrote me back one and left it on their desk.
I read the note and replied with another note, but I waited for them to return this time.
This small exchange had a ripple effect on the employee. Within a few days, they opened up to their manager, asked for help, and disclosed that they were open to working through their problems.
A few months later, we caught up, and I asked them how they were doing. Before they said anything, they put their hand into their pocket, took out their wallet, and placed three worn and crunched-up handwritten notes on the table.
I couldn’t believe it.
They looked at me, smiled and said, “I pull these out whenever I’m going through a hard time, and it makes me feel better cause I know someone is there for me. I know someone in my corner”.
Helping one employee can create a ripple effect throughout an organisation. When their colleagues witness them go through a transformation instead of watching them walk out the door, it increases productivity and shifts morale into a more cohesive work environment. By investing in someone and showing them you care, you set a precedent that encourages others to seek help and support each other.
So we don’t always know the effect one conversation or simply showing someone you care can have on someone. And it may not always be as profound as that experience, but you just don’t know.
This is why HR needs to take the time to show employees that you care. Because it communicates to the rest of the organisation that it’s an important virtue to exhibit. And generally, we don’t do enough of that in today's society. We don’t commit to helping people and working on problems together.
How did we get here?
Today’s workforce has over-indexed on the rugged individual. We celebrate people who can “do it all themselves”. We make heroes out of CEOs. Employees who can solve and diagnose problems on their own. But we’ve forgotten about the team—the group—the community approach.
It doesn’t really matter whether employees at your organisation primarily work alone, in a small team or a big team, they’re actually always working together because human beings are social animals—we’re not great by ourselves.
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No one on this planet has achieved anything great alone. And so it’s important as an HR manager that you lead by example and be that person in your organisation who is there for employees.
The value of service
It’s important to commit to helping others.
Take Alcoholics Anonymous for example. We’re all familiar with the 12-step program. Most of us know the first step—acceptance. You had to admit you have a problem to make a change.
The program works in such a way that if you master 11 steps but don’t make it to the 12th step, you’re probably going to succumb to the disease. But if you master the 12th step, you’re far more likely to overcome the disease.
And the 12th step is to help another alcoholic.
And so when we commit to helping others, we foster a culture of support and empathy. By showing genuine care, HR can transform individual behaviour and create a positive ripple effect, enhancing productivity and morale. It’s about leading by example and prioritising the well-being of every employee, reinforcing the importance of community over individualism.
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